fredag 28 april 2000



1224 Somewhat dizzy I rose from my bed with the urgent message in my head that I was supposed to do something. I guess it's caching in that check before 6 pm. I shaved my legs and took a shower without washing my hair. My face stung and I had to use sun-block on it again. Got another note from the landlord. It's says they're exchanging my TV-output. But they already did that! 
I did the dishes again, but straight after that I had a chocolate-sandwich, so now I have a dirty butter-knife. There is no music on but I've payed for the rent. seems to lag. It's slow.

torsdag 27 april 2000

Learning to cry.


2358 Domino Dancing. 
Thank you Jacob for studying with me. It was a big help for me to. I just joined the Swedish community And I now weight 71 kg according to Jacobs bathroom-scale. I'm thinking of joining S.A.T.S Sports Club. I have no idea how much they cost, but my friends say they're expensive. I really should call tomorrow and ask. Moving out in a month. 

"it will never make me cry, it will never make me die, the animal, the animal, the animal instinct in me"
 I've taught myself to cry to that song.

söndag 16 april 2000

Flying to stockholm


1435 In: Flying to Stockholm Out: Being sick. I refuse to be sick. I just came home from EvilGnarf and I checked at what time the train leaves tomorrow. 0656 :P.

söndag 9 april 2000

Moving to Stockholm


2105 I've been at my parents house today. We talked about me moving. For dinner we had some kind of stew with olives in it and I made bacon and scrambled eggs for dinner. I'm hungry again, but my wheight has reached 69 kg! I'm starting to panic.
2156 Wow, seems like Puh and Johanna is going to buy me tickets to Stockholm!

fredag 7 april 2000

Game shows


0840 Listening to the radio. They're talking about police-dogs and a fantastic rescue. I ate Spaghetti Bolognese for breakfast. Shania Twain after that. The Coca cola in my stomache is doing it's job, but I do feel a little ill still. Maybe I'll have the fever today also? Talking to SubMiss now, she doesn't know if she'll be there tonight :(. I wanna see her!
Mirar and I are discussing different Game Show ideas and I'm pushing for a haunted house where every week one member of the team "Dies" in a horrifying way. Hm, maybe I should write an outline of this and sell it to Tv 4 or Tv3? I have to leave in an hour but my laundry is still in the dryer. Mmm, now I changed into real clothes, a spankingly clean military-outfit.

torsdag 6 april 2000

Foot in my mouth


1841 Still Sunshine. I woke up around ten the first time because I had a really nice, wet dream. True love for once. It was all very romantic. I slept in for another hour but then they started drilling again and I got up. I had three cheese-sandwiches for breakfast, and drank some tea and Proviva. Went online for a while and had to turn of my computer and run to the bus 1211. It was cloudy when I ran over the hospital area and I sang "We're going underground" because I was happy. No one I knew was in the cafeteria and a lot of unknown people was hanging around the school. It was Multimedia-day and they were handing out brochures. The girl behind the counter was cute. Physics was about Quarks, Fusion, Fission and Light. I made three Engine sketches, and I really have to make a page for her. Then I got down to the computer-lab to print the missing pages for the lab-report. The Floppy-disk wouldn't work for me, but luckily it did for a neighboring classmate. I caught Erika on IRC and we discussed my moving into her apartment. She was actually happy I was maybe going to stay a year! I had to admit I was worried about that. One of the girls in the class followed me down to the train-station and I got on the train. On my way home I felt happy and full of life. Vacuumed the floor in the hallway and in the bathroom and had Spaghetti Bolognese for dinner. Still have to clean half the bedroom and I feel like redecorating. But I have homework...

2315 Almost midnight. Felt the hunger a little, but instead of succumbing to fat, I had a carrot. Okay, so I feel fat today....but I think that 67 kg is to much for a girl my height. There goes the superficial me. I have a right to be me. I was dancing in front of the mirror when I saw that the pant didn't fit like I wanted them to and that my ankles are thick, now if the ankle thing is fat or muscle, I don't know.
I'm a bit embarrassed about class today. We were talking about nuclear-power and I just had to blurt out "You know the fish die of you let out warm water in the sea? Cause then they start to mate to early in the season and the young don't survive" On the coffee-break Jacob reminded me that was a tad far away from the subject. I could stick a foot in my mouth. There would even be room for me to wiggle my toes. But I still want food. I can feel the smell of
Bolognese in my nose...mmm.

onsdag 5 april 2000

Lost lab report


1806 The sun is shining and I'm turning the apartement upside-down in search of a lab-report that's due in on thurday or friday. If I dont find it, I'll have to print it out again, in school.

tisdag 4 april 2000

Real food


1742 Ah, the hunger is conqured with a Wraps. Victory is mine. I did bike to the store to get "real food" but I was lucky I bought a microwaveoven-meal, cause when I got home, I was to hungry to cook.

måndag 3 april 2000

Low and lonely


0125 I'm low. I'm down. I'm crying at the discoteque. My heart is empty. I have no idea what to do about this feeling. So lonely, I feel enormously lonely. Today the world is ugly. Having trouble to breath. My head is exploding. It is so hard, and I don't know if I can make it anymore. The wood is getting dark and I have lost my path. Hold me, destroy me. My flesh is strong but my mind is weak.
1500 It's not as bad now, but I'm still low. The sun is shining outside but as soon as I go outside, my eyes start running. I did some of the washing up, so the kitchen sink doesn't stink anymore. Now I know why I feel bad when I eat that frozen cake. It's got cream in it. That's almost as bad as ice-cream. There are workers in the building, putting in cable for the internet. My expenses this month are the phonebill and another bus-card. That's it, but I got this creepy feeling I forgot something. :( Puh and Johanna might come down for the easter, which would surely cheer me up.