fredag 28 april 2000



1224 Somewhat dizzy I rose from my bed with the urgent message in my head that I was supposed to do something. I guess it's caching in that check before 6 pm. I shaved my legs and took a shower without washing my hair. My face stung and I had to use sun-block on it again. Got another note from the landlord. It's says they're exchanging my TV-output. But they already did that! 
I did the dishes again, but straight after that I had a chocolate-sandwich, so now I have a dirty butter-knife. There is no music on but I've payed for the rent. seems to lag. It's slow.

torsdag 27 april 2000

Learning to cry.


2358 Domino Dancing. 
Thank you Jacob for studying with me. It was a big help for me to. I just joined the Swedish community And I now weight 71 kg according to Jacobs bathroom-scale. I'm thinking of joining S.A.T.S Sports Club. I have no idea how much they cost, but my friends say they're expensive. I really should call tomorrow and ask. Moving out in a month. 

"it will never make me cry, it will never make me die, the animal, the animal, the animal instinct in me"
 I've taught myself to cry to that song.

söndag 16 april 2000

Flying to stockholm


1435 In: Flying to Stockholm Out: Being sick. I refuse to be sick. I just came home from EvilGnarf and I checked at what time the train leaves tomorrow. 0656 :P.

söndag 9 april 2000

Moving to Stockholm


2105 I've been at my parents house today. We talked about me moving. For dinner we had some kind of stew with olives in it and I made bacon and scrambled eggs for dinner. I'm hungry again, but my wheight has reached 69 kg! I'm starting to panic.
2156 Wow, seems like Puh and Johanna is going to buy me tickets to Stockholm!

fredag 7 april 2000

Game shows


0840 Listening to the radio. They're talking about police-dogs and a fantastic rescue. I ate Spaghetti Bolognese for breakfast. Shania Twain after that. The Coca cola in my stomache is doing it's job, but I do feel a little ill still. Maybe I'll have the fever today also? Talking to SubMiss now, she doesn't know if she'll be there tonight :(. I wanna see her!
Mirar and I are discussing different Game Show ideas and I'm pushing for a haunted house where every week one member of the team "Dies" in a horrifying way. Hm, maybe I should write an outline of this and sell it to Tv 4 or Tv3? I have to leave in an hour but my laundry is still in the dryer. Mmm, now I changed into real clothes, a spankingly clean military-outfit.

torsdag 6 april 2000

Foot in my mouth


1841 Still Sunshine. I woke up around ten the first time because I had a really nice, wet dream. True love for once. It was all very romantic. I slept in for another hour but then they started drilling again and I got up. I had three cheese-sandwiches for breakfast, and drank some tea and Proviva. Went online for a while and had to turn of my computer and run to the bus 1211. It was cloudy when I ran over the hospital area and I sang "We're going underground" because I was happy. No one I knew was in the cafeteria and a lot of unknown people was hanging around the school. It was Multimedia-day and they were handing out brochures. The girl behind the counter was cute. Physics was about Quarks, Fusion, Fission and Light. I made three Engine sketches, and I really have to make a page for her. Then I got down to the computer-lab to print the missing pages for the lab-report. The Floppy-disk wouldn't work for me, but luckily it did for a neighboring classmate. I caught Erika on IRC and we discussed my moving into her apartment. She was actually happy I was maybe going to stay a year! I had to admit I was worried about that. One of the girls in the class followed me down to the train-station and I got on the train. On my way home I felt happy and full of life. Vacuumed the floor in the hallway and in the bathroom and had Spaghetti Bolognese for dinner. Still have to clean half the bedroom and I feel like redecorating. But I have homework...

2315 Almost midnight. Felt the hunger a little, but instead of succumbing to fat, I had a carrot. Okay, so I feel fat today....but I think that 67 kg is to much for a girl my height. There goes the superficial me. I have a right to be me. I was dancing in front of the mirror when I saw that the pant didn't fit like I wanted them to and that my ankles are thick, now if the ankle thing is fat or muscle, I don't know.
I'm a bit embarrassed about class today. We were talking about nuclear-power and I just had to blurt out "You know the fish die of you let out warm water in the sea? Cause then they start to mate to early in the season and the young don't survive" On the coffee-break Jacob reminded me that was a tad far away from the subject. I could stick a foot in my mouth. There would even be room for me to wiggle my toes. But I still want food. I can feel the smell of
Bolognese in my nose...mmm.

onsdag 5 april 2000

Lost lab report


1806 The sun is shining and I'm turning the apartement upside-down in search of a lab-report that's due in on thurday or friday. If I dont find it, I'll have to print it out again, in school.

tisdag 4 april 2000

Real food


1742 Ah, the hunger is conqured with a Wraps. Victory is mine. I did bike to the store to get "real food" but I was lucky I bought a microwaveoven-meal, cause when I got home, I was to hungry to cook.

måndag 3 april 2000

Low and lonely


0125 I'm low. I'm down. I'm crying at the discoteque. My heart is empty. I have no idea what to do about this feeling. So lonely, I feel enormously lonely. Today the world is ugly. Having trouble to breath. My head is exploding. It is so hard, and I don't know if I can make it anymore. The wood is getting dark and I have lost my path. Hold me, destroy me. My flesh is strong but my mind is weak.
1500 It's not as bad now, but I'm still low. The sun is shining outside but as soon as I go outside, my eyes start running. I did some of the washing up, so the kitchen sink doesn't stink anymore. Now I know why I feel bad when I eat that frozen cake. It's got cream in it. That's almost as bad as ice-cream. There are workers in the building, putting in cable for the internet. My expenses this month are the phonebill and another bus-card. That's it, but I got this creepy feeling I forgot something. :( Puh and Johanna might come down for the easter, which would surely cheer me up.

fredag 31 mars 2000

Sleepy Hollow

2216 Came home from the movies right now. Middi and I saw Sleepy Hollow, and boy was it good. :) The headless Rider was wonderfull. But I do place it beneath both "Dogma" and "Galaxy Quest".

onsdag 29 mars 2000


1749 I just showered for the first time since Saturday. It didn't hurt to much, although every wound itches now. I have them out in the air so they'll get some oxygen and heal better. Let us see how long I can go without covering them up. I slept at EvilGnarf's place, where SubMiss lives now that she's broken up with her boyfriend. SubMiss got some education considering Perl and Unix from Slowcoder and me and EvilGnarf went to Burger King. We considered a movie, but we had already seen all the good ones and didn't feel like a bad one so we took the bus back. We watched Dogma instead and I will never think of God as a man again. Wonderfull movie, inspiring and full of life. 

I wonder if I can still do handstands? I will try once my cuts n bruises are healed. In the morning I took the train to Helsingborg. It was a very cold and lonely morning. It felt good to meet Jacob again, he always cheers me up. He should actually be gratefull I'm kind of normal with him, because with SubMiss I sometimes totally go over the edge. Yesterday it was singing Disney-songs at the bus-stop, everyone was so not looking at us. We had a pop each at the local café here in Åstorp after she quit work and then I saw her to the train where I also met Anna Radomska very briefly. I'm considering cutting my hair of. I am also still getting fatter. F*ck that. Don't feel like running as long as my knee feels like this, and also I wanna run with SubMiss. We'll have to arrange something. This friday, I'm going to the movies with Middi and her boyfriend Andreas. We're going to see "Sleepy Hollow" my treat. It's a late christmas-gift.

tisdag 28 mars 2000


0031 I fell and hurt myself on sunday. I scrubbed my knee, arm, shoulder, and both my hands. I'm bandaged like a mummy, but I only find it cool. It hurts when i sleep though. I hope it'll leave pretty scars. Been feeling so strange the last few hours. Like I was un drugs. Reality seemed so damn unstable. It was wierd. Right now I'm watching American Beauty. Everyone is Wierd in that movie...Those perverts! If anyone is going to be a pervert in a relationship with me, it's gonna be me.

lördag 18 mars 2000


1308. I overslept and missed the bus home to my parents, now I've got an hour to kill. I'm chatting on RPGworlds and in DarkGuy is still strange, he's happy!

fredag 17 mars 2000

cozy bitch

1526. I woke up late, since I just couldn't fall asleep last night. When My neighbours woke up at five, I was still awake in my bed. To much caffeine. Madonnas version of "American Pie" is coming from the radio. I grew quite tired of my MP3:s, but I bet I'll be listening to them again later today. Oh well. Today, as many other days, I am a cozy bitch, a nick I cannot use on RPGworlds servers since it's considered offensive. I put on my running shoes when I woke up and ran to the library and back. I read Maison Magazine. I really should clean up this mess called a flat. :)
1838. I've made dinner. Potato and onion soup, and for desert, chocolate cake. Courtesy of SubMiss, I didn't peel the potatoes, merely clean them.

onsdag 15 mars 2000

my interesting paleness

1203. I'll be off in seven minutes. Today I do have school at least. It will be great to se Jacob Friberg again and he even took notes for me while I was sick. :) The weather is wonderful, the sun is shining and I can feel my life-force returning to me. I even put some sun lotion on to keep my interesting paleness. If I have the time today I'll go buy some sunglasses and maybe even have a look at what kind of running-shoes I should invest in.

2016 I bought those shoes today, they were pretty sheep, but very cozy. *happy* I ran to the store just now and bought
Pringels and Coca Cola, not very healthy *laughter*. I'm free tomorrow. I really should get started on my appliance material for college. I wrote some background for Vampyrica today. I renamed her to Maria Davidsson which feels kind of sad. But I need to make a difference between her and myself because she is but a creation and I am the writer.
I bought an
american Elle and to my surprise I saw a picture of Vampyrica in it. I scanned the ad, which were for Givenchy Lipstick. Fake Vampyrica

Classical music

1447. I'm listening to classical music. Some woman is singing in a language unknown to me and violins and cellos do their thing. Very nice and relaxing, something my back sorely needed. The music soothes my mind. My flat is a real mess, the dishes since yesterday are all over the place. I made two new drawing yesterday, from scratch. It was because I had been to #lothlorien, the IRC-channel for Elfwood-members and started discussing pirates. In the pictures Enygma and Vampyrica have donned Pirate-clothing. I'm currently planning on writing a pirate-story featuring their earlier incarnations, with Vampyrica as the evil one and Enygma as one of her pawns. But for that, I have to go to the library and fetch some books. Pirate-books and some book on anatomy. Then, after that, Submiss and I will spend some time toghether, maybe she can even rub my back....It really hurts.

1505. I just talked to SubMiss on IRC and she said she'd massage me, oh joy, I can now see an end to my suffering! Yay! Now I'm off to the Library to see if I can boost my brain-capacity.

fredag 21 januari 2000


It's time for the seminar. It's going to be lot about signifier and the signified and I don't feel that I have prepared myself enough. Being the first to get to the classroom I had to doublecheck my scheduel to see if it really was this one.
Let this work out.